Your Ceremony, Your Rules: A Couple’s Guide to Wedding Officiants
- cloudydayweddings
- Jan 14
- 3 min read
Updated: Mar 30
Especially for queer couples, weddings are more than just ceremonies—they’re opportunities to break free from tradition, honor chosen families, and celebrate love on our terms. As queer folks, we create our own traditions and define our love stories. It only makes sense to invite the people who make our lives sacred to oversee the moments that honor our love.
Choosing a close friend as your officiant is one of the most personal ways to make your ceremony meaningful. At Cloudy Day Weddings, we’re huge fans of this approach—our own wedding was officiated by a dear friend, and their thoughtful remarks made the day unforgettable. We still quote their poignant (and funny!) ceremony to this day.
Here’s how you can make it happen:

Practical Tips for Choosing and Preparing Your Officiant
1. Understand the Legal Requirements
Marriage laws vary by state, so it’s important to know what’s required:
Missouri and Nebraska: Your friend must become ordained. Online programs like Universal Life Church make this quick and affordable.
Kansas and Colorado: Couples can self-solemnize, meaning no officiant is required! This gives you complete freedom to design your ceremony however you’d like.
Courthouse + Ceremony Combo: Prefer flexibility? Many couples handle the legalities at a courthouse, then plan a ceremony that’s entirely personal.
Bottom line: Research your state’s requirements early to avoid surprises.

2. Choose the Right Friend
Your officiant will set the tone for your ceremony. Look for someone who:
Is comfortable speaking in front of a crowd
Enjoys storytelling or public speaking
Knows you both well and can share personal anecdotes
Not everyone is comfortable in the spotlight, and that’s okay! Choose someone who can confidently celebrate your love and make your ceremony meaningful.

3. Work Out the Ceremony Logistics
Details matter, and thoughtful planning ensures a smooth ceremony.
Audio Quality: If outdoors, avoid noisy areas like rivers or busy streets, and confirm microphone availability with your venue or DJ.
Officiant Placement: Your officiant should stand with you but step aside for the kiss to ensure photos focus on you.
Holding Hands: During vows, holding hands creates an intimate moment and looks great in photos.
Collaborate with Vendors: Your coordinator, photographer, and videographer can guide your officiant on timing and placement.

4. Help Your Officiant Prepare
Preparation is key to a heartfelt and memorable ceremony.
Write Early: Encourage your officiant to draft remarks well in advance. Tools like Unboring! Wedding Ceremony can help.
Personalize It: Spend time reminiscing with your officiant to inspire meaningful anecdotes. Sharing your love story, journey, and quirks will create a ceremony that resonates with guests.
Keep It Concise: The maximum ideal ceremony length is 8–10 minutes to hold everyone’s attention.
Practice Out Loud: Rehearsing ensures a smooth, confident delivery.

Why We Love Friend Officiants
For queer couples, weddings are about reclaiming traditions and celebrating love authentically. Having a close friend officiate is an intimate and empowering choice—it allows someone who knows your relationship deeply to guide your ceremony with personal insights and heartfelt anecdotes. These ceremonies often feel uniquely powerful, resonating with everyone in attendance.

Let’s Celebrate Together
At Cloudy Day Weddings, we exist to document radical, authentic love stories. As a queer-owned business, we’re passionate about supporting LGBTQ+ couples and nontraditional weddings. Whether you need photography, videography, or day-of coordination, we’re here to make your celebration stress-free and unforgettable.
Ready to make your wedding dreams a reality? Inquire with us or explore our portfolio for inspiration. Let’s create something extraordinary together.
Comments