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Your Ceremony, Your Rules: A Couple’s Guide to Wedding Officiants

  • Writer: cloudydayweddings
    cloudydayweddings
  • Jan 14
  • 3 min read

Updated: Mar 30

Especially for queer couples, weddings are more than just ceremonies—they’re opportunities to break free from tradition, honor chosen families, and celebrate love on our terms. As queer folks, we create our own traditions and define our love stories. It only makes sense to invite the people who make our lives sacred to oversee the moments that honor our love.

Choosing a close friend as your officiant is one of the most personal ways to make your ceremony meaningful. At Cloudy Day Weddings, we’re huge fans of this approach—our own wedding was officiated by a dear friend, and their thoughtful remarks made the day unforgettable. We still quote their poignant (and funny!) ceremony to this day.


Here’s how you can make it happen:


Two people, one in a green dress holding a notebook, smile outdoors against a cloudy sky. The mood is joyful and intimate. Micro Wedding in the mountains. Lesbian Wedding
Alison & Dylan self-solemnized in Colorado!

Practical Tips for Choosing and Preparing Your Officiant

1. Understand the Legal Requirements

Marriage laws vary by state, so it’s important to know what’s required:

  • Missouri and Nebraska: Your friend must become ordained. Online programs like Universal Life Church make this quick and affordable.

  • Kansas and Colorado: Couples can self-solemnize, meaning no officiant is required! This gives you complete freedom to design your ceremony however you’d like.

  • Courthouse + Ceremony Combo: Prefer flexibility? Many couples handle the legalities at a courthouse, then plan a ceremony that’s entirely personal.

Bottom line: Research your state’s requirements early to avoid surprises.



A couple in wedding attire exchanges vows outdoors, against a backdrop of red rock formations and greenery, with an officiant present. Colorado wedding. Wedding ceremony.
Edita and Garret's friend Nick married them in the Garden of the Gods

2. Choose the Right Friend

Your officiant will set the tone for your ceremony. Look for someone who:

  • Is comfortable speaking in front of a crowd

  • Enjoys storytelling or public speaking

  • Knows you both well and can share personal anecdotes

Not everyone is comfortable in the spotlight, and that’s okay! Choose someone who can confidently celebrate your love and make your ceremony meaningful.


Two brides hold hands in a white ceremony room. Bridesmaids in red dresses stand by with bouquets. Warm, celebratory atmosphere. Lesbian Wedding. Gay wedding inspiration
Not a dry eye in the house as Caitlyn pronounced Claire and Cherilyn wed


3. Work Out the Ceremony Logistics

Details matter, and thoughtful planning ensures a smooth ceremony.

  • Audio Quality: If outdoors, avoid noisy areas like rivers or busy streets, and confirm microphone availability with your venue or DJ.

  • Officiant Placement: Your officiant should stand with you but step aside for the kiss to ensure photos focus on you.

  • Holding Hands: During vows, holding hands creates an intimate moment and looks great in photos.

  • Collaborate with Vendors: Your coordinator, photographer, and videographer can guide your officiant on timing and placement.


Couple embracing on a rock by a forest stream, surrounded by lush green trees. The scene is tranquil and romantic. Lesbian Wedding. Gay wedding inspiration
Outdoor weddings like Taylor and Bry's are beautiful, but plan carefully in noisy spaces!


4. Help Your Officiant Prepare

Preparation is key to a heartfelt and memorable ceremony.

  • Write Early: Encourage your officiant to draft remarks well in advance. Tools like Unboring! Wedding Ceremony can help.

  • Personalize It: Spend time reminiscing with your officiant to inspire meaningful anecdotes. Sharing your love story, journey, and quirks will create a ceremony that resonates with guests.

  • Keep It Concise: The maximum ideal ceremony length is 8–10 minutes to hold everyone’s attention. 

  • Practice Out Loud: Rehearsing ensures a smooth, confident delivery.



Bride and groom face officiant in a modern wedding ceremony with wooden walls and floral decor. Guests sit on wooden chairs, soft lighting above. Trans wedding. LGBTQ Wedding photography
Alison & Nate were married by a family friend and phenomenal speaker!

Why We Love Friend Officiants

For queer couples, weddings are about reclaiming traditions and celebrating love authentically. Having a close friend officiate is an intimate and empowering choice—it allows someone who knows your relationship deeply to guide your ceremony with personal insights and heartfelt anecdotes. These ceremonies often feel uniquely powerful, resonating with everyone in attendance.



A couple exchanges vows on a decorated porch, surrounded by dried corn stalks and flowers, under a wooden ceiling with string lights. lesbian gay wedding. LGBTQ Wedding photography
Let's get planning!

Let’s Celebrate Together

At Cloudy Day Weddings, we exist to document radical, authentic love stories. As a queer-owned business, we’re passionate about supporting LGBTQ+ couples and nontraditional weddings. Whether you need photography, videography, or day-of coordination, we’re here to make your celebration stress-free and unforgettable.

Ready to make your wedding dreams a reality? Inquire with us or explore our portfolio for inspiration. Let’s create something extraordinary together.

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